President Trump Caught With a Weed Inhaler on Air Force One

Stormy Daniels isn’t the only hit President Trump has taken lately. The Donald was photographed exiting Air Force One with a new toy in his hand: a cannabis-infused inhaler called the  “AeroInhaler”.

After returning from a weekend getaway to Aspen, the paparazzi snapped the above photo of Trump with his AeroInhaler. Local insiders tell The Smokers Club that a Trump aide purchased the item at Carbondale’s Rocky Mountain High dispensary along with a cannabis sex lubricant.

Could the stress of presidency finally be getting to the Donald or is this the notoriously sober (he doesn’t consume alcohol) President’s way of kicking back? Trump’s Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee brushed off the allegations.

“That inhaler was not a weed inhaler. The President only consumes CBD (cannabidiol), a non-psychoactive chemical found in cannabis that alleviates stress and stops seizures. CBD has allowed the President to resist the temptation of lashing out at his critics and fake news. You could say the CBD AeroInhaler is Trump’s new Twitter.

And what about that cannabis sex lubricant and its intended use?

“No comment,” Huckabee added.

Crafted in Colorado, the AeroInhaler describes itself as “the world’s first live resin, terpene infused THC inhaler.” There is no mention of CBD on the AeroInhaler website, so Trump either inhaled THC or had access to an unreleased product.

Huckabee added that “The President’s stance on cannabis has not wavered. We are all still not exactly sure what that stance is.”

Now over a year into his term, the 45th president surely isn’t the first to inhaler. But he’s the first to be caught green-handed. In response to Trump’s folly, his fellow world leaders responded.

When asked for comment about Trump’s alleged cannabis use, Vladimir Putin stated that “Weed is for the weak. Real men drink Vodka. I did not think Donald was weak.”

Trump’s Twitter rival Kim Jong Un laughed when he heard the news. “I hope Donald brings one to our meeting to lighten the mood. But I prefer the dabs.”

This is story appears as an annual part of The Funyon which we publish every year on or around April 1.

Barack Obama to Launch “Barry’s Buds” Marijuana Brand

Former President Barack Obama will take his political talents to pot: he’s entering the growing cannabis industry.

“I was the first black President. Now I’m going to be the first black ganjapreneur. Michelle will always have my heart but Mary will always be my first lady.” Obama said in a since deleted tweet. 

On 4/20, Obama will launch his new medical marijuana brand Barry’s Buds in his home state of Hawaii. Barry’s Buds, part of Obama’s new POT.US marijuana business venture, will offer a line of pre-rolled marijuana blunts called Barry’s Blunts, disposable vaporizers and a high-end line of cannabis cosmetics for women.

When asked why a former president felt the need to enter such a controversial industry, Obama gave a heartfelt response.

“Marijuana is my medicine. As soon as I stepped out of that White House last month, I entered the Green House. I lit up a spliff of Maui Wowie and was instantly transported to a place I hadn’t been in a while: a state of tropical bliss. I want to bring this bliss to the people. Marijuana has the ability to heal wounds and bring the world together–I could not think of a better way to ignite my post-Presidential career.”

Hawaii’s medical marijuana dispensaries will open for business later this year, and Obama’s team plans on being at the forefront of this new industry. When asked about the current administration’s stance on legal cannabis, the former President BHO smiled.

“For now, my new company is medically focused–so Trump can’t touch us. But we’re not scared of Jeff Sessions and his backwards, KKK train of thought. One of our goals is to show the country that real, good people exist in the cannabis industry. The people of this country want weed. And we will bring them that weed.”

Obama also told a group of reporters that a recent kite surfing expedition with Richard Branson inspired his new career decision.

“You know, when Dick and I were kite surfing on his island, I had a revelation. I was high and I was happy. And I started wondering: why did I just spent eight years without Mary Jane? We played golf that same day, and my back felt the best it had ages. You know why? Cause Michelle rubbed cannabis oil all over me that morning. 

A press release issued by Barry’s Buds named Richard Branson as the company’s main financial backer. Branson, an outspoken critic of the war on drugs and cannabis supporter, added that

“Why not? This is a passion project for me and Barry. We’ve got half a century of smoking weed experience between the two of us. We know what’s good. And we’re going to show Hawaii–and then the world–what’s really good.”

Obama, who has openly admitted to smoking cannabis in the past during his college years, added that he had a secret weapon joining his team:

“My head grower is also my personal basketball coach: Rasheed Wallace. ‘Sheed has been supplying the NBA with chronic for over two decades. He knows an all-organic, no-till method that produces high-octane gas–with extreme medical benefits.”

A spokesman for Obama’s new company added that the company is not selling fully legal weed just yet:

“For now, Barry’s Buds will remain medically focused in Hawaii’s new medical cannabis market. But we plan fast expansion and believe this brand will set a higher standard for the industry.”

Michelle Obama, the company’s marketing director and brand ambassador, will focus on the company’s philanthropy and female-focused cosmetic line.

“My daughter made the news for smoking weed at Lollapalooza and I was repulsed! How is that news? Every college kid smokes weed–as did I. It’s a healthier choice than alcohol, and the choice that our children should be making. Our non-intoxicating essential oils and creams will bring soothing relief to our customers,” said Michelle Obama.

All proceeds from Barry’s Buds will be donated to the Make-A-Weed foundation, the Obamas’ new non-profit which strives to plant a cannabis plant for every starving child in the world.

This article appears in The Smokers Club’s annual “Funyon” Section that happens once a year around April 1.

Valentine’s Day Alert: A Weed-Shaped “Mary Jane” Vibrator

So you slept on it and now you need a Valentine’s Day gift for your stoner girl. You could hit up 1-800-Flowers. Or you could head to the dispensary and cop either some Puss Kush, some infused chocolates, or some tincture for her camel toe.

Or you can come in hot out of left field and get your girl hot with this “Mary Jane Vibrator from Ganja Vibes. I’ve never bought or used a vibrator, so I’m not really sure if there are industry standards,  but it looks like this thing’s girth and pot-leaf shape could provide a mixed bag of genital emotions and might be a lil uncomfortable:

Screen Shot 2016-02-12 at 9.45.18 AM

Or your girl could have a horizontal slit perfect for this shape. Priced at $79.69, it’s not a cheap “pleasure egg” (but again, I’m not so sure what the going rate on vibrators is these days). And sadly, I don’t think there’s a plug-in or add-on that lets you hook a vaporizer or bowl up to the device to shoot smoke into your girl’s cooch. Still, if you think your girl literally dreams about what it would like to have a nug lodged inside her, then it’s not a bad idea to get this piece in her box.

Cause nothing says love like a pot-shaped piece of silicon that vibrates all up in Bae’s bush.

You can order the Mary Jane Vibrator here

Watch Hannibal Burress Ether a Heckler

If you’re going to a stand-up comedy show and that stand-up comedian is a true professional (aka badass) like Hannibal Burress, then you are better off smoking a joint than chugging a bottle of Jack. A schmohawk in Delaware either couldn’t find weed because, well, Delaware, or simply chose to get obnoxiously drunk prior to Burress’ show.

Predictably, Buress, on the heels of roasting of Justin Bieber, let this fan have it like a boss:

While Dave Chappelle may be the best comic alive (in my book), Burress’ rise to stardom clearly comes with merit–the guy just calls it like he sees it and he usually sees it the right way:

“When I’m drunk, I like to ruin 1 or 2 people’s nights. A cab driver. A bartender. A woman that I’m seeing. I dont go to big venue, I like to work on a small scale. You sir, are a social terrorist”

Burress has that uncanny natural ability to calmly and smoothly cause volcanoes of laughter via observational comedy that comes along once a decade. His gift is the gift that just keeps on coming–and probably made Justin Bieber soil himself when during his roast’s filming:

h/t @ image via Barstool Sports

Would You Drink This “Smoked Salmon Bagel Smoothie”?

I just can’t stop staring at this (April Fool’s joke) of a smoothie from Einstein Bagels and wondering how it would taste:

Screen Shot 2015-04-01 at 12.48.03 PM

It would be pretty un-Jewish of tribe members to not at least give this hypothetical smoothie a shot. As long as the lox are fresh, the cream cheese is creamy (PHILADELPHIA), and the bagels are from Jew York, why wouldn’t it suck? People put way nastier things in smoothies all the time.

But if the fish smells like Nancy Grace’s placenta, I’ll pass.

Michael Jordan to Launch “Flair Jordan” Marijuana Brand

Michael Jordan is entering the weed game–and he plans on taking the game over.

A spokesperson for the GOAT told The Smokers Club that Jordan plans to soon launch “Flair Jordan”, Air Jordan’s cousin and cannabis-centric brand.

The brand intends to focus on the ancillary aspects involved in the cannabis industry, like cigar wraps, rolling papers, apparel, and bongs. But Jordan hasn’t ruled out releasing a line of “Flair Jordan OG” or “MJ’s Sour Diesel” down the line.

Jordan’s spokesperson passed along this blunt message from MJ:

“I revolutionized the game of basketball. Now I’m going to revolutionize the game of marijuana.”

While kids in the 90s grew up wanting to “Be Like Mike”, those kids are now adults–and they want to get legally high. For Jordan and his brand, the decision makes sense given the growing acceptance of pot: these kids turned stoners want to “light like Mike.”

Jordan noticed the recent ascension of celebrity weed brands coming from the likes of Bob Marley and Willie Nelson–and started thinking that he wanted to get in on the fun. And like most Jordan wagers, Flair Jordan was born off the links.

During Michael’s recent golf match with Keegan, Tom, and Rory, the scent of cannabis wafted into the foursome’s area. The smell inspired Michael to quickly explore this burgeoning sphere.

From there, the Flair Jordan decision became “easier than dunking over Steve Kerr in practice.” As Jordan’s personal bodyguard, business partner, and confidant Charles Oakley puts it, Flair Jordan will be taking over the growing industry sooner rather than later. “Michael and I have been planning this project for years while foraging Vegas’ scenery. We’re going to sell the wraps at all my car washes. We’re not throwing bows, we’re pushing bows.”

Owning an NBA team, the Charlotte Hornets, will not impact the Flair Jordan brand, as Jordan’s team has named a squad of his longtime pals, including Oakley, to run the show. Flair Jordan has named Oakley as the company’s president and Kush Commander, Scottie Pippen as the SSO (Sensimilla Scent Expert), and Horace Grant as the KMO (Kief Medical Officer).

Oakley’s focus will be on the business end and security aspect of the company, while Pippen will use his special sense of smell to test out new products and hunt for phenotypes. Horace’s main focus will be on developing a line of Flair Jordan Rec-Specs with a built in THC spray for glaucoma patients and athletes.

According to our source, all of these athletes firmly believe marijuana–a substance they say over half the league uses regularly–is intrinsically tied to the game of basketball. But the effort comes from the heart. Michael truly believes in the medical power of marijuana. While dealing with the variety of aches and pains that any professional athlete suffers through, he recently discovered the benefit of CBD-centric lotions and salves to ease pain. When asked whether or not MJ burned the stuff, the answer was a “no comment.”

Flair Jordan is expected to hit dispensaries, bodegas, and businesses throughout the nation in the next calendar year before going global.

mj stoned more smoke

This is the debut article in our new section: THE FUNYON.

Larry Sanders Quit the NBA to Smoke Weed

When an athlete finds his career and life in jeopardy because he repeatedly gets in trouble for smoking weed, that athlete then typically apologizes about his weed use, pledges to “get clean”, and wages a sober comeback. Larry Sanders is definitely not the typical celebrity athlete.

Yesterday, Sanders spoke out about his decision to leave the NBA behind, and it was not a mea culpa for smoking the reefer. In fact, Sanders makes it sound like cannabis remains a very real part of his life, and the one thing that helps him deal with the stress and depression that caused him to leave the league.

Did Larry Sanders legitimately leave the NBA so he could focus on improving his rolling skills and bong capacity? Probably not, but he certainly doesn’t sound like he’s giving up the stuff any time soon–nor did he apologies for smoking what he has every right to smoke:

(Sanders remarks about cannabis come at the 3:15 mark, after which he states no plans to give up the stuff)

Oprah Parody Gives Her Fans What They Want: Free Weed

While clearly a well-played satire, the thought of Oprah handing out free zips of OG Kush within the next two-five years is not at all cray to me. And what a beautiful thing it would be:

 

A late night host in California like Jimmy Kimmel could easily and maybe even legally pull this off whenever he wanted to.